I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
