Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
