Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
