So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize