her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
