She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
