You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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