he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
