that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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