Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
