Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
