Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
