So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
