Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
