Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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