I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
