omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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