i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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