Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
