This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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