ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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