i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize