we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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