I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
