Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
