its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize