Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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