What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
