ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
