Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
