He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
