two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Boobs speak an international language.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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