i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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