I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize