I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pants are for mortals
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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