But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We just shotgunned beers for America
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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