I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
