The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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