i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
