dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
