If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
