Your face is a jimmy john
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
