Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
