k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
