I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
