Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
