Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
