How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize