Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
