Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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