How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
