there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
