Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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