why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
