Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
