i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize