a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
