my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
