i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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