I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
