I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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