Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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