I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Randomize
