I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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