Farmville is her only friend.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize