3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
