I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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