In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
be right there i have to get my cape
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
