if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
