Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will be naked everywhere
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
