i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize