even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
