Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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