Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
