the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
