"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
