My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
