i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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