So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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