Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
