you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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