So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
