It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
