can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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