I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
