You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
