I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
