it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
