you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
