I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
