Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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