Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
