I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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