you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize